Dear Chakai,Happy Birthday! I know that things have changed between us ever since Lucas came, but I want you to know that my love for you has not changed. I love you with all my heart and that will never change. Lucas is still a baby, and he needs Mommy to take care of him ALL THE TIME. I know most of the time I ask you to go to Daddy for help with your assignments or with anything that you need, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to help you, I do, but most of the time, I don’t have what it takes to help you out, you know? I hope you understand, Mommy is not a robot and is no super hero, Mommy gets stressed out and she gets stressed out easily. I am sorry if sometimes you feel that I take it out on you. I love you Chakai, you are the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank the Lord everyday that you are my daughter. Forgive me for all my flaws and I promise when Lucas is no longer clingy, we’ll have more time to spend together. I love you forever and always my peanut.
8 years ago today, I remember weighing 40 pounds heavier. I remember at exactly 4:10 in the afternoon, doctors cut me open and 5 minutes after, my beautiful daughter came into the world. For months before that, I was anxiously awaiting her arrival, I wondered how she would look like, how she would smell, how she would sound and how it would feel like to have her out of me. When she came out, I cried tears of joy when I saw her. She was gorgeous and to me, she was perfect. It’s funny how you can love someone you’ve just met so much more than yourself.
We gave her the name Franchesca Christienne Emille. It’s a long name, I am aware, but I really wanted to name her Franchesca and B wanted to name her Christienne Emille because of what the name meant to him. We call her Chakai for short.
When Chakai came into my world, everything changed for the better. I became a better version of me.
I still don’t know what the hell I am doing with regards to being a parent, I just take it one day at a time. I am not the world’s greatest mom, but I do my best to do what is best according to what I think is best for my kids, you know?
Anyway, one day, Chakai will read this, so here’s an open letter I want her to read:
I hope when she becomes a teen she doesn’t hate me and I hope she doesn’t go all emo on me.
We didn’t have a big celebration to celebrate her birthday, B and I just bought whatever food she wanted, soda, pasta, pizza, cake and ice cream, and had an intimate dinner with just the 4 of us and my Mom-In-Law.